Backdrop:

All studies have concluded beyond doubt that healthy “social relationship” is key to happiness in life. The word social relationship in this context means the shared bonding or connect between two or more individuals. They may or may not be related. The context of relationship, however, begins at home. This means the relationship between family members. Better the relationship an individual has within a family, happier the “family unit” tends to be. There are several reasons for the same. First, a good relationship between family members creates a sense of mutual trust and dependability. Second, it infuses confidence in mind of an individual that there are others who can take care in case of need. Finally, healthy relationship creates a sense of good vibe and happiness among all members that they are “one” and “united”.

The contour of relationship, however, goes beyond family and extends to friends, colleagues, and society at large. More a person remains connected with others, be it friends or colleague or members of a club, etc., increasingly confident he / she becomes of the support system. This social connectedness also allows an individual to “speak” and “share emotions” with others which is important for a happy living. Thus, social connections play an important role in an individual’s life.

Relevance for Elderly:

For an elder, connectedness is even more important. Devoid of professional life and absence of active group of colleagues and professional friends, an elder is left alone in the family boundary. It finally then depends on extent of connectedness and quality of relationship among family members. And in today’s context, this is often missing. Breakdown of extended family leaves the elderly couple oftentimes alone far away from their children. Limitations of physical mobility do not allow them to move freely and visit relatives in distant places and they are frequently confined at home.

In this phase of life, we have often seen that “healthy relationship” between “elderly couple” improves the quality of life of either. In old age, this relationship is often found to cause reenergization of elder couples. In our own group, we see elder couples like Chandrakant Rane & Surekha Rane or Anand Saxena & Rita Saxena or S Kumar & Sheela Kumar or Chetan Deshmukh & Bharti Deshmukh signing and enjoying together in musical programs. We also see highly appreciative couples complimenting and supplementing the talent of each other. For example, I give lots of respect to my better half Samatha for her dramatic or musical talent while she appreciates my leadership abilities. There are several such examples. Gopal Patro and Lakshmi Patro are example of one such couple who both are talented musicians in their own right and have deep appreciation for each other. Similarly, we have another example of Manohar Gharat and Sandhya Gharat. Sandhya nods her head in admiration while Manohar sings while he is appreciative of his wife when she narrates her experience or tells a story in our “Sab Ki Suno” program. Similarly, we always see the couple Shyam Ahuja and Sandhya Ahuja sitting together in all our zoom meetings and supportive of the musical / other artistic performances of each other. So is the case with Ramani Iyer and Lakshmi Ramani. And the list goes on. What it implies is that “happy relationship” between husband & wife is at the core of “happy aging” at old age despite odds like failing health or declining cognitive abilities. All senior citizen clubs or associations including MRL always try to create a synergy between the husband and wife who are elderly through facilitating a “home outside home”.

The problem starts when one of the spouses is no more. Loss of spouse and resultant vacuum created is difficult to fill and there starts the difficult phase of life. Loneliness, anxiety, depression set in and an individual develops tendency to go into a shell. It is at this point in time in life of an individual, the relationship takes a different shape from the original one of one between husband and wife. This void needs to be filled in by others like family members (children or others) or friends (old or new) or likeminded people in a group (club or association like laughing / walking groups) or senior citizen associations like MRLF. And studies have shown that these old or new forms of friendships / groups and their “social connecting networks” have a significant impact on mental wellbeing of an elderly person. They help them to come out of “loneliness syndrome” and become active again. The mere warmth of relationships sometimes creates wonders. We have seen during our visit to old age homes how the warmth of our interaction or mere holding hands with a sense of empathy creates a bondage, though temporary, and facilitates the elders staying there to come out of silence & loneliness zone.

Conclusion:

All the above instances and studies prove beyond doubt that relationship is key to building a good “life experience”. It is even more important for an elderly person as span of contact for building relationship goes on dwindling. All of us, therefore, have a responsibility to build and maintain relationship with all the people (more importantly elders) we know as it is the cordiality of connection that keeps us moving. It is an integral part of “happy aging”. All stakeholders have a role to play in this starting from family members to senior citizen associations. The younger generation should make it a part of their habit to spend some time with elders, not in a casual sense of the term but with a genuine intent to build a “happy relationship”. All able-bodied elders must make it a point to join clubs or groups to keep themselves going. It is the sustained and good relationship that only makes this world a happy place to live. To live together connectedly is a grace.